Friday, July 29, 2005

NEWS JUST IN...

In an extraordinary act of selflessness and courage, a warrior friend of mine has dropped a payload of Creamed custards onto my desk. Guys, Babes, you can imagine my stokeness is maxing out here. The fellow of such deeds is Nicholas (he is not a gay), he can be seen modelling the loot (right). That's Second Lieutenant Wuples of the Fun Fun Sunshine Land Rapid Response Unit on the left packing his trusty full auto. Also, I have scored a diet cola.

::::BREAKING NEWS:::::

By a strange twist of fate i have scored both a cuppa rosey and a delicious cappuccino, both GRATIS and without me having to lift a finger or leave my seat. Please expect caffeine fuelled annoyances on msn messenger within the next 10 minutes .

Thursday, July 28, 2005

T4Wed, L4Thu


As you know, I'm on the very strictist of diets to maintain my skeletal figure. Last night was no exception. It was... Nandosssss - The Food Hole, of Kings. ME and G ordered up a diet based feast of (deep breath) an entire snake - 2 heaps of frieds - snake's livers - 2 corns put onto cobs - olives - nuts - DIET colas. The olives and nuts came up first and were silently (as much as possible) destroyed. The platter arrived and the plate was clean before it hit the table. WOOF!

So guys (and babes), 4 L you're looking at the Cheapo Soup Shop™. The Dude scored indonesian snake soup, which was too gloopy. As a "treat" for such a lite T I sampled some interesting looking *fried* mango slices. O boy, they tasted like the dried, flatterned carcass of a pigeon found in the street. I VERY generously offered them around the office. I know, I know, that's the kinda guy i am (points at camera miming guns with hands *POW* *POW*) ;)

Lunch with the Colonel

o men, o babes, today it finally happened, we dined with the colonel. yeah, i said we, what of it? it was a team effort, much *chicken* was consummed. I went for the classic 3 peicer, a leg, a wing, and the other bit. fries where also supplied, i coughed up the extra 10p for some of that sweet bbq sauce, and o man (and o babe), i can tell you, it was the sweet shit indeed.

so, on to the other team members: first we get bob, well he got a zinger tower meal onboard. he gave it the respect it deserved by joining me in documenting the event, you'll notice the 2 mega pixels in effect, o man, a sweet camera phone, and a sweet meal. the final team member was of course, mr T.

... news just in, it was not mr T, it was Coggin (no, its ok, not 'Coggins', thats someone very very different indeed). This fine cadet made the brave decision to tackle the the 3 pice combo meal. I know... wow... I know.... what a guy. This adventure includes a frantic scramble up the face of 3 peices of *chicken*, a hair raising journey down the periouls river of colsaw, and finally confronting the giant pepsi of doom. He made it out people... he did good.

photos will now follow:



- layout edited for size by overlord Focksy
- layout then fixed by winner Flipper01

Wednesday, July 27, 2005

Weds, L



well gang, here i am, and, as usual, i'm a bit busy, so here is a Short and to the point report:

  • LUNCH WAS HONEY AND MUSTARD PASTA SALAD WITH SNAKE
  • FROM TESCO
  • IT WAS 'DIET'
  • IT WAS FOWL
  • I AM NOT HAPPY
  • NOT HAPPY AT ALL
  • TONIGHT I SHALL MAKE UP FOR THIS AT NANDOS MAN THEY ARE GONNA BE SO SORRY
  • O MAN

T4Tue, L4Wed



So, let's start with T. (put's on black cap) Fish guys/babes. A sad day. A smoking cod though, the king of fishes. You'll notice a couple of eggs, poached. Spuds, boiled. The Pea. In the BG is bread, my secret lover. Skinny Cola was also on standby... she's my rock.




Next up is L (swaps black cap for Nike)(spins it sideways). Yeah man, i done pimped me salad innit. Gotta fist of shrooms thrown in da mix of chick and shit innit. Me home boy Iced T is in da house, represent, gangstar4life man. innit. One love. Respek to me brovas sent up da river. Yeah man. Snizzle on tha shitz. innit. 4real.

Tuesday, July 26, 2005

L4Tue

I'm sitting here, gorging on my L, and i'm thinking "should i take a pic for the guys and babes on the report?", which lead me to the thought "nah, fuck it" as i feverishly threw my cous cous and chicken salad down to the depths of my being.

For an extra special treat for being such a gr8 m8 to myself, i snapped up this delicious looking snack. It's from the land that spawns those horrid people that create such a rash on our social cicrles... The Down Under Bush. The website for this product proclaims it's an energy bar, so i guess I AM SO PUMPED now. They also give away this charming animated jif...

Twelve Ts to Report

I had sausage soup and caramel crunch at Pull a Minger today - but that's no news. I read Empire rather than the Guaridan, but again - nothing to shout about. I gave no one (woman or fella) the glad eye. Fairly interesting, but not news really now that I have met the girl of my dreams.

I am now a drinking Starbucks Zen Green Tea in a Starbucks mug chosen from a selection of twelve teas laid on GRATIS here at work. I hereby decide that this is news enough to constitute a posting to the Report and now sign out - my duty done.

Monday, July 25, 2005

GRL T@LK

May I also take a moment out on behalf of everyone here at The Report to welcome new babe member alexp.

May I also take another moment out to congratulate alexp for having the skills and wisdom to include sexy dreams in her very first post.

Despite having recently met the girl of my dreams (did I mention this?) - I applaud you alexp and welcome you to the Most Posted Blog on the Internet.

Breakdown in Routine

I ordered a soup AND a sandwich at Pritt a Lipstick today. Not good. What's more, they were both brand new selections. A bad move - they've sent my carefully balanced biosystem into complete chaos.

I began with their new bacon and tom soup. Tasty and suprisingly more filling than their usual soups. Following this up with the special of the week (eggs and ham normo-sarnie on rye) confirmed that I had been a proper loony - I was only able to finish HALF the sandwich. I am struggling through the second half now.

The moral of the story? When at Pratt a Mango, never have more than one new lunch selection in your combo meal. BAD NEWS.

However in other news, I gave about three women the glad eye. This despite having recently met the girl of my dreams. Well, long-term commitment is imminent, so I must let my glad eye gather rosebuds while it may.

mon, L

Woah! babes! this place is turning into a real chick fest.

so... anyway... monday.... lunch.... well you're looking at the marks n sparks pasta salad a la pine nuts mit toms und da spinach.

cutlery supplied supplied by st. micheal, diet coke by oddbins, kitten photo models own.
_________________________________

in other news:
bob is playing moby, lyrics include such genius as:

come on baby, come on girl.
come on baby, come on girl.
i love you baby, i love you now.
i love you baby, i love you now.


... wow, so cool, why do i feel like i want to buy some new trainers?

L4Mon


Well looky wha' we got 'ere! Little Alex has joined our special club (sandwich with extra mayo). And low and behold, she's doing exaclty what little Lisa did in her early days, she's filling it with verbose* dialogue about sexaul and irrelevent patter.

Chicks eh?!

In other news; I had good old Prat Ham and Pegs. The bread was as fresh as George on a first date. To wash down the course card texture of the sandwich is a cola, diet. For an after lunch whistle wetter during the long loooong drudgery* of the afternoon's apathy* I scored a peach & orange Tetly iced tea.

*this post is sponsored by Dictionary.com "if we ain't got it, then you're talkin shit"

T4Sun


HI KIDS!!!

so, we had a lovely BBQ'd 4 T01 at some kr@zy mate's crib in sarf london innit.

4 T02 we had a pizzar. I pimped-my-pizzar with looow fat hallumi. As further dedication to my weight loss programme i only used half a pack AND then cleft the darn thing in twain. Therfore quarterizing the fat intake. VIRTAULLY FAT FREE.

I look like a slim version of Iggy Pop.

Friday, July 15, 2005

L4Fri


It all begun last night... I took a walk to the most trendy store I know for some new slacks, yes that's right, TopMan. On trying on a few pairs and buying a waist jacket (hell YES) I made a startling discovery. I maybe a tiny bit overweight. I hear all your cries of "no way man! you are like SO fine", thanks guys, i feel the love, but i feel deep down I could be even MORE fine. So 4 L today I had a pret breadless sandwich (or salad as the known world calls them). It was ok, but i had to eject the filthy toms. Now i feel a bit sick. But, i look AMAZINGER.

Thursday, July 14, 2005

Thursday's L is fair of taste

Hi Lads, L
Its been a while I know. Focksy and G do occasionally ask me about doing blogging and today Focksy asked me, like, twice so I thought "Why not?"

Today's L = roll de ham and mayonnaise (like salad cream but with less flavour, lads) with a big ol' bag of Doritoss, cheese flavour - will eat these in a couple of sittings. Drink of squash.

A working L, as evidenced by my lappy in the background.jif


Love to all,
Your pal, Jimmy

Thurs, L

ok, well i had a salad from pret, yeah it was snake based, it had a yoghurt dressing, which was medium to a bit rubbish. I opted out of using the additional oil dressing as it would have been complete slop (and of course a body like this doesn't come without a few sacrifices). Beverage was supplied by the coca cola company, minus sugar, plus cancer causing chemicals. DAMN. I just picked up the can expecting it to be still half full (or even half empty, I wouldn't have minded)... and it was flippin empty. damn. this is not good. thats bad squishy.

In other news: today I went to Boots with bob where he bought shower gel after some browsing. I'm getting some de ja vu now.

L4Thurs


ok kids, i took a pic halfway through the feast to try and get you a sectional diagram of my lunch... what's that?... i forget to snap it till halfway through eating?... no, i just exlpained that, idiot.

anyway, you're looking at coronation street snake salad with extra mush. bits of tom which i am tolerating. The drink is a refreshing peach iced T. In other news, things are irritating me today, the outlook is slighty fed up with the threat of a grumpy front coming in from the north.

p.s. the qaulity of my camera shames me, i beg forgivness.

Thurs, B

Porridge

Wednesday, July 13, 2005

News

I'VE NOT EATEN ANY MEAT TODAY! I MAY DIE!

Goerge, you can have my ipod usb cable.

Lisa, you get the thing jason was seen humping in the mms message, the pony, table, plastic... thing.

Jimmy... o Jimmy, what do you get? you get my eating rock.

Jas, ditch the rest of the junk someplace, you can keep those little pink 'Muscles' figures we nicked off of jimmy (not you Jimmy, another Jimmy, not as good as you Jimmy, of course) 12 years ago.

Weds, L

Well, today i went shoe shopping with Bob, I followed him around Portobello road until he found the suitable pair of chunky black boot trainers he wanted. This took some time. I used to do this with somebody else... seemingly every other day... for shoes... and bags.... can't remember who that was now?... hmm... some chick I guess.

anyway, Lunch was purchased from what's called a "veg - er - teer - eey - an" shop. Its a strange concept, I couldn't quite place what was different about it, something was missing, it was... how can I put it... a bit odd I guess. Anyway, they seem to have run out burgers, and the bangers looked a funny colour so I went for a mix of pasta, 'shrooms, carrots and the broc. On the way back I stopped in the off license for a can of coke (diet (chilled (unflavoured))). It was all good.

p.s. Cheese was also present in the pasta.

Posh

I literally went to a posh deli on Exmouth Market and ate in. I had a fancy sandwich that tasted of nothing but salt and a strawberry tart which was pongy.

Their drink labels were so posh I accidentally bought some lemonade thinking it was water.

I read the Guardian and was blown away in shock to discover my iPod hadn't synced properly, so my going home tune first choice was abandoned.

L4Wed


Hi Guys! Hi Babe!

So, Lunch here in the sunny and not very comfortable surroundings of the office they jokingly call a "studio", was salad in nature. You're looking at snake in 'erbs, spinach and rocket, egg (boiled halved), peppers red (i think), mozzarella globs and a vinaigrette summer dress. Also, i had a berry blood and guts drink, and jalapeno coloured crispings. And guys (babe), i enjoyed it a medium amount.

Rail Club tonight James ;) (k)

p.s. accesories models own

Monday, July 11, 2005

Back to the Blog

Breakfast was strong coffee and a Subway cookie laid on GRATIS by the company.

Lunch was a sausage soup (with breads natch) followed by a health promoting and wallet punching fruit salat at the Prat a Monkey.

L4Mon


scored an italian snake and pasta salad which i enjoyed in the park and tried not to look at any particulay child for too long.

George, is this troo? Are you batting for the other side now? Who is this female? I'm "coming out" to find you and i'm pretty tanked up on white wine spritzers... I got out the mayday outfits we made each other....

I WILL WIN YOU BACK, BE IT BY FORCE, SO BE IT!

mon, L

Just fancied a light lunch today, just a few slices of toast, y'know, dry, something simple. and then while i'm at it I thought i might as well FUCKING KILL MYSELF. goodbye.

B4Mon



Woke up and played tents with George for a bit.

George then fixed me a Coco-pops breakfast bar and a shot of Pernod. Goerge didn't eat much as he's still coming down from the last 4 days.

We fooled around for a while in the bath tub with some toys, played the usual toilet games, dressed each other and left for the day ahead.

thanks for the colour tips babe, but foam bananas NEVER go off.


mon, B

This morning Lisa made me coconut suprise for breakfast (it had a burger in it), we then laughed at a picture of George for about 20 minutes, then laughed a bit more, then we dressed each other and left the hotel.